Anyone that knows me will tell you that my children are the most important thing to me, I couldn’t wait for each of those babies. That glorious pregnancy glow, feeling the energy of life growing inside of me.
With my son it was all true, I felt so happy I could’ve cried… and I did, a lot. My usual fine limp hair had become full, healthy and vibrant. My dull plain skin, now glowing with pregnancy dew. I had it all, I couldn’t imagine where all the complaining from “those” moms was coming from!? Didn’t they know about the dew!
I soaked it all in. Every nudge, hiccup and inadvertent fart. Even the first 15 hours of labor was wonderful, I was one with my body and it was one with me. Of course until he got stuck, and they cut him out of me. Meh. It didn’t matter, motherhood was perfect! I was going to have two or three more kids, have them using sign language by one and finger painting every day. Yep, it was gonna be awesome.
Err, well, he didn’t sleep very well threw the night, like at all. that’s ok, it’s just a sleep regression.
Oh and then there was the crying at ANY music, any, even beautiful lullabies on a live piano. Or just at people in general.. he wasn’t what you would call a people person. In fact he pretty much disliked anyone but me, grandma and his dad. They grow out of it. Yep.
I hadn’t REALLY considered what having a baby was going to do to my body, let alone a 10.7 pounder. Isn’t it all just supposed to go back to where it was? huh, I’ll deal with that later!
Wait, am I late. Ho-ly crap, YES! bout to get ma dew on.
There it was that beautiful positive sign, sooner then expected but absolutely a blessing . I could not wait for my healthy glow and luscious hair, patiently waiting.
I had of course heard and read about “morning” sickness, I only threw up once with my son so not much life experience, yet. They should really rename it to something more suitable like “cant walk without vomiting”, or “get that away from me before I hurl” sickness. Also up until about 4 months into my second pregnancy I didn’t know what it felt like to be mad at everyone, pretty much all of the time. Literally the sound of my husbands breath made me twitch, that’s totally normal right? Oh and that beautiful full hair? No. Nope. More like a really sad, oily.. well you get the picture.
It’s totally ok though, I got this, just gotta try and focus on being as happy and healthy as possi….. GESTATIONAL WHAT.
Honestly didn’t see that one coming.
It’s truly impossible to describe how hard being a mother is to someone whos never lived it. No one tells you that your heart will ache with every bump or bruise. Or that there will be nights, so many nights, that you are crumpled on the floor crying in defeat, positive that your failing.
I felt nothing but love and bliss with my first, I never imagined that I would be a statistic with my second. Every time we would head to the doctor, check ups, weigh ins, I was asked to fill out a survey. Why me? Why couldn’t my husband do it? Constant questions. I was fine, wasn’t I? Sure I would cry often, I was a mother, wasn’t that normal? Until one day I was staring at the survey I had filled out over and over again, shame flooded over me, had sadness/anger/frustration become so normal in my life I couldn’t even see it any more? Apparently it has a name, Post Partum Depression. I realised then and there that I DID need help, I wasn’t super mom. What were people going to think?
Us women, especially mothers, are in a constant competition with each other. Do you breast feed, do you co-sleep? You should wear your baby or they wont learn to love! You should put them in their own rooms from birth or they will never leave home! You mean you don’t hand crush all your infants organic, sustainable, GMO free, vegan, home grown, super veggies by hand!!?? I don’t know how you could possibly go back to work!! I don’t know why I should give up my career??
The struggle is real, lemme tell you.
The only tip I can give to you is SleepEZ works wonders for nap time.
JUUUUUST KIDDING, calm down crunchy mom I don’t drug my children 😉 All I can say is follow your heart and your instinct. There is absolutely nothing wrong with searching out opinions or information, but hold it at arms length. Its so important to hear the information and then apply it to YOUR life, your kids.
I still have my bad days, that’s just life, but I wouldn’t give up my life for anything.
Ps. Mad props to my husband who has stuck it out with me, we got this!